"If you don't make a plan, you're only practicing!" I said that once in the GULF to the young punks who always looked at me for advice. When they asked me for more Ghandi quotes, I told them to F**k Off, I had a job to do...........
If you are reading this page, you've found me, Col Calum Smith. I grew up in Leith, did a spell in South Africa, made it to Hollywood, boom!! My Uncle Jonny was the original Hannibal Smith of A team Fame. He's my uncle and just incase you didn't guess, I'm his nephew. That means we are related, arseholes, so get over it! After the trailer parks off Hollywood, I wanted to become a man and joined the Scottish Army (I'm 1/12th Scottish, ya bastards so aye I was welcomed by my brothers). Did my time, made it to the Falklands, got the wounds and gay tattoos to prove it and no, we didn't fight in kilts you pricks, our dicks are too big!
After leaving the Special Forces I made it back to Hollywood just because it felt right and they paid me shit loads of cash. I worked on every TV show and movie in the 80's and 90's. Came out of retirement briefly to go on holiday in the GULF and lead a team of crack commandos, no I'm not fucking Andy McFuckingNab, I'm straight.
I quickly gained a reputation as being a real life John Rambo and as a result, I was head hunted by L&B, no not LGBYTZPQ. Back in the day when men were men and women made the tea, those days were a distant memory for the service. My job was to infiltrate the cleaky watch culture and make them tough again. It was the toughest job of my career. I lost my pride at pride. I hit rock bottom and at one stage I thought if you cant beat them join them..........hey George Michael had fun, still have his album and my Guv'nor looks like Andrew Ridgley so F**K off.
Present day - I've had enough of the bullshit and I'm available to hire once again in a Charles Bronson Death Wish kinda way. Wee Nicola Sturgeon, If you have the cash, I'm available to sort out the countries mess, I'll go to St Pats on Sunday for confession once I'm finished.
About Me
I choose my crew wisely, here it goes.......
Founder + Ultimate Male This is me, I'm the Guv'nor although you wouldn't think it the way the young kids speak to me on station! Buggerall respect for the old.
Station Officer Myles Here's the real Guv'nor, dead calm, a proper ladies man. never gets flustered. A Robert Mitchum lookie likey!
Really? Leading Fireman in my day! You've got to love the big guy although he does look a complete TIT in this pic. Sad to see him leave, he's like a big cuddly teddy bear!
New FUD's I've requested these Firefighters Under Development from the Academy. I'm a great judge of character.
Last but not least- Wee Steph This laddie came as a trainee. Anyone who drinks Buckie and not Export in my opinion isn't a real man. Anyway, he's qualified now but jumping ship!